Growing up in the Southern United States, I was amidst a bunch of Bible thumpers and evangelical nuts. I never really thought much of it since I was smack dab in the middle of all the craziness. Things like promising chastity till marriage was not uncommon and most people proclaimed this in private or amongst a small group of family members and trusted friends. Some people carried this around like a badge of superiority, and others wore it like an invisible veil keeping their private life separate from their social life. Those who wore it like an emblazoned badge of Christianity were typically those people who easily “fall from grace” (more on this in a few) or just do it for clique status. Now, there seems to be a new way to outwardly proclaim your abstinence and show everyone you’re down with chastity: purity balls.
From the first few sentences and title alone, I was expecting some bizarre incestuous rite of passage. Instead, I was greeted by a new fad in claiming abstinence. It sounds just like a wedding and has all the trappings of a wedding except a father and daughter claim to live a pure life and promise to not have sex until marriage, respectively. A noble thing to do in theory (and it just jerks tears from those bleeding hearts) but the truth is it probably doesn’t hold up well after a few years. What’s the reason for it being the father and the daughter in the proceedings instead of involving the family as a whole? In reality, taking this vow of chastity is a family-oriented ordeal and does not solely involve the father and daughter. I would think the Purity Ball would be a great exercise in bringing together the nuclear family not isolating the father and the daughter. Why not the mother and daughter instead? Does this harken back to Biblical times where fathers were the controllers of their daughters life outside the home?
Now, earlier I stated most people that take this vow break it before they’re married and usually before they leave high school. The temptation is too strong simply because it’s now a taboo action and forbidden. The article goes on to say:
They also point to studies showing that the majority of adolescents who take purity pledges break them within a few years, often by engaging in risky and unprotected sex.
One study conducted by researchers at the universities of Columbia and Yale found that 88 percent of pledgers wind up having sex before marriage.
Really, why is this occurring? Surely not because it’s now a forbidden act since they’re abstinent or peer pressure. Randy Wilson seems to attribute this vow breaking to “sexual images” in the young girl’s culture and surroundings. If that’s the case, tell them to stop watching MTV and risque reality TV shows that promote sexuality and sexual prowess over personality and humanity, they could stop taking their kids to stores such as the abhorrent Libby Lu or Little Miss Priss that completely objectify all little girls as divas or primped up pre-Prom Prom Queens with the world at their disposal. Breaking the vow also couldn’t be attributed to the lack of true sexual education in today’s schools. The classes that are held, in majority, teach abstinence and choose to throw things like STDs and proper condom use to the wayside. The administration is apparently dumping over $205M USD into teaching abstinence while not teaching about the troubles of teen parenthood or teens dealing with some of the more serious STDs, both of which are only increasing as months go by.
I applaud those who take vows of chastity but turning it into public spectacle does not seem to do well in cementing the values of the act in the minds of these girls. With most breaking their vows in a number of years, is this a good way to continually promote abstinence? Would facts about teen pregnancy and the atrocity of STDs not serve to be just as effective is taught in conjunction with abstinence? I know I have no idea as I’m far out of school but I’m sure I could poll some kids to get a good idea of what would work.
Tags: 15 Comments
15 responses so far ↓
Your purity balls link does not work.
Good article, keep it up.
Woops! I accidentally added a / after the address although it did not need one. It’s been fixed now.
[...] submitted my article on Purity Balls to Martin from Aardvarcheology and he used it for the new edition of Skeptic’s Circle. Woo! [...]
Also, why only girls? Why not boys? Do the Dads assume all their daughters are lesbians?
I was raised in Alabama among the Baptist bible humpers. Having escaped to Canada many years ago, I’m no longer used to living cheek to jowl with such people. This purity ball thing really weirded me out as the hippies used to say.
I watched a lengthy video of one of these balls and frankly I was aghast at the obvious perversity of what I was watching. Leaving aside the southern incest jokes that immediately come to mind, I was horrified at the body language, words, and expressions of many of the participants. It was a very sick scene, right out of some sci-fi horror story. The Stepford Daughters or some such thing.
There are real reasons why the Southern Baptists experience a higher divorce rate, higher rates of incest, child abuse, and family violence than any other main stream protestant denomination. We see some of those reasons at these so called purity balls. Pure weirdness to my mind.
I applaud those who take vows of chastity
Why on earth? What about the wild sexism of this sort of patriarchal ritual being expected only of unmarried girls and not boys? Is there any rational (i.e. non religion-based) reason for valuing chastity before marriage in females as some sort of ideal worth applauding? Women should be given the tools and education to make sound decisions about their sexual lives, wherever their predilections and experiences take them, and understand how to protect themselves. Abstinence isn’t a method for protecting against STDs or unwanted pregnancies, it’s a method of controlling females sexual choices and thereby repressing them in favor of male sexual promiscuity. Even if this “purity” ideal were equally applied to men, it would be ridiculous. Why should we live in a world where sex is demonised unless it is sanctioned by some blessing from a sky-god (and even then not to be discussed)? Surely, a rational society would place primary importance on empowering women by making sure they understand the modern science of STDs, the proper uses of the many different kinds of prophylactics and birth controls, and methods of refusing the advances of any man who doesn’t want to use them? Sex is fun, it’s healthy and I can’t see any reason besides the limiting strictures of bronze-age religion to restrict women from (carefully) enjoying themselves.
Of course, some young women genuinely feel that they’re not ready for sex, or that for whatever reason they would prefer not to have it, and all such personal abstinence decisions should be respcted. But no more and no less than the decision of another college student to *have* safe, informed sex. Why on earth are we priviledging the morals of those who deny themselves sex for irrational reasons over those who have it because they’re curious? Shame on us for not actively promoting enough awareness in the latter group so that they know how *not* to engage in risky behavior.
ADJ:
I’m not saying it’s just for women or religious people. I admire people that do it period. I know non-religious people that take vows of chastity, I know men that do it. It’s not solely relegated to females because they’re “evil” or “seductive”.
This post was only directed at females because the topic of purity balls…is for females. I think some of that kind of got lost in all the typing.
I admire people that do it period.
Okay, fair enough that you aren’t favoring one gender over another, but I have to ask again what exactly your reasoning is behind this admiration. I honestly don’t understand why it’s in any way better for a person to restrict themselves to only having sex after marriage. With one person. And, given the nature of marriage laws in this country, of the opposite gender. A little limiting, don’t you think?
ADJ:
I think the admiration comes from the point that it takes a lot of willpower for any human being to be able to stick to the choice to not have sex until marriage, regardless of sexual orientation or gender.
Great post. I agree that we should applaud a vow of chastity, but I disagree that it should be a family or son/dad, daughter/mother thing. I think that ultimately chastity, like a sex life, is personal and should be left to personal integrity to be honered. The whole “purity ball” thing is ridiculus.
Also, a study was recently published on the BS “abstinence only” education. It gives a sample of the program and shows that it is ineffective. I wrote about it: http://reedingandwriting.blogspot.com/2007/04/another-failed-experiment_16.html.
It sucks.
[...] certainly a shocker for me. I thought this only happened to those kids that went to those crazy purity balls! Decreased condom use and increased sexual activity are two likely explanations for the higher [...]
This is wierd, but then again so was promise keepers. Purity of daughters and sons is the concern of the whole assembly (1 Cor 5), and no vow is necessary. Fornication is never to be seen among Christians at all, and when it is, they are to be put out of the assembly.
If a father has to say a vow to become concerned or more concerned about his daughter’s purity, and parade his daughter’s purity before the rest of the world, he’s only making her a target. Way to go, dad.
[...] saw another video about these last year and it blew my mind how bizarre these people are. Purity balls are fancy balls where fathers and daughters go to dance, hang out, share their views, and basically [...]
I’ve heard of these “Purity Balls” secondhand, but only recently have seen pictures of one. IT CREEPED ME OUT, and (after years in Furry Fandom) I don’t creep out easily.
It was like a pedophile’s wet dream — Jon-Benet Ramsey on steroids! Especially with the eerie paralleling of American marriage customs until the vows go down. True or not, intentional or not, the appearance of covert incest and pedophilia is NOT the impression you want to make with something like this.
I agree, they’re extremely creepy. As you mentioned, the entire set up to act somewhat like a marriage ceremony is just odd. It harkens back to times when fathers gave their daughters away as if they were the father’s owned property. Very scary stuff.